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(Spoken introductory patter by Al Buschenberg)
Come one, come all to the doctor
This here’s Hezzy Procter
Just come right on in
The show’s about to begin
We got Daddy Stovepipe
Pink Anderson too
And nine Spanish dancing girls
Dancing the scoodle-oo
Old Brother Lance , if you give him a chance
will shimmy like he’s shakin’ from the St. Vitus Dance
And I say, “Hail, hail, step right up
And get yourself a remedy!”
(instrumental)
And I say, “Hail, hail, step right up
And get yourself a remedy!”
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Went out last night to the crib-house down the street
Went out last night to the crib-house down the street
Went out last night to the crib-house down the street (O LORD!)
And my good gal stung me with the sweetest stingaree
Ran to the doctor, boy I ran down fast
Ran to the doctor, boy I ran down fast (O LORD)
He said: “There’s something wrong with your yas yas yas”
Oh we sure did have a time
How’d I know that gal o’ mine?
She’s good-lookin’, but it is disease (?)
Oh she done that little snake hip
But then she gave me the drip
Now the chills are overtakin’ me
(instrumental)
He took one look and I’ll tell you what he said
He took one look and I’ll tell you what he said
He took one look and I’ll tell you what he said (O LORD)
He said “You got a hot tamale from sleeping in that woman’s bed”
Now, some folks say that the crib-house drip ain’t bad
Well, some folks say that the crib-house drip ain’t bad (O Lord)
It must not have been the crib-house drip they had
Oh we sure did have a time
How’d I know that gal o’ mine?
She’s good-lookin’, but she’s got disease
Oh she done that little snake hip
But then she gave me the drip
Now the chills are overtakin’ me
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I had a gal, a little pal
She was so sweet to start
Then things got bad
She’s always getting mad
I knew someday we’d have to part
Well, she blew her top today
Because I came home with the wrong bouquet
Gonna tell her that I’m gone
Put it in a song
And this is what I’m gonna say:
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
Who’s not so full o’ spite
There was so much nastiness I had ignored
Cuz that woman’s built just like a V-8 Ford
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
When we get to the preacher and he says, “Do you do?”
I might just say, “I might!”
And when I get her home after the honeymoon
Neighbours start to bang the ceiling with a broom
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
She’s gonna do all the things you used to do
When we put out the light
Gonna greet her in the morning with a red, red rose
Take her to the pictures and buy her clothes
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
(instrumental)
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
A cute li’l puppy just like you
With less bark in her bite
And you can get jealous of the gal I found
Come around a-sniffin’ like a Bassett hound
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
I’m gonna find a big leg woman who
Would rather dance than fight
And when you see her steppin’ at the Lindy hop
Boy, you know that woman’s rooster just don’t stop
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
And when you see us dancin’ at The Cotton Bale :
“Boy that woman surely does a fine fishtail !”
I’m gonna find a new sweetheart just like you
But one that treats me right
But one that treats me right
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I See Jesus Coming Down the Road
Through this wide and wicked world, I’m bound to wander
On the highway, only darkness can I see
When I close my eyes to rest upon the journey
I see Jesus coming down the road to me
Everytime I close my eyes, I see the Saviour
He will lift my heavy load
Everytime I close my eyes, I see Jesus
I see Jesus coming down the road
She was all the light I’d known in this cold world
And she left me on this road to die alone
The crows call out my name beyond the shadows
The stars in heaven are all turned to stone
Everytime I close my eyes, I see the Saviour
He will lift my heavy load
Everytime I close my eyes, I see Jesus
I see Jesus coming down the road
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My brother and I took an evening walk
By the banks where the Hiwassee flows;
Where the water rolls over the rounded rocks
And the wild trout lily grows.
He said, “My dear brother, forsake me not—
Redemption for me is too late.
Not even the blood on the Saviour’s hands
Can save me from my fate!”
He said, “I must tell of my sweetheart—
Her name is Jennie Blythe.
The prettiest girl in all Hayesville town
She said she’d one day be my bride.
I rode on the train to Hayesville Point
To ask for my sweet Jennie’s hand.
There at the depot stood Jennie dear
A-kissin’ another man.
(instrumental)
That night as we walked o’er the ‘Wasee bridge,
We kissed in the soft moonlight.
She cried, ‘Oh Willie, scorn me not:
Make me an honest wife.’
I choked her with my trembling hands;
My sweet Jennie fought for her breath.
Then I threw her into the river
To die a sinner’s death.”
(instrumental)
My brother knelt down on the ground,
My tears begun to flow.
He plucked a lily from the ground,
And onto the bridge he did go.
He said, “Tell poor Jennie’s father
How sorry I am for him;
And tell our aging mother
I stumbled and could not swim.”
He leapt into the river,
The waters pulled him down.
Through rocks and raging rapids,
He did not make a sound.
I cannot tell my family,
How our dear brother died—
He’s floating on the river
With his darling Jennie Blythe.
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There’s a reckoning that’s coming
There’ll be lightning in the sky
When the thunder starts a-drummin’
And we’re headed to the by and by
And on that Judgement morning
Tell me where you stand?
With the scabs and the police
Or here beside your fellow man?
When the fire comes down (when the fire comes down)
When the fire comes down (when the fire comes down)
It will wash my sins away (my sins away)
When the fire comes down (when the fire comes down)
When the fire comes down (when the fire comes down)
And the (rich man’s made to pay)
We’re in the mill a-workin’
Unpacking all the cotton bales
To the sound of looms & spindles
Weighin’ them upon the scales
When Saint Michael comes in glory
For the weighing of the souls
Where the boss men hang in the balance
Will weigh upon their souls
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7. |
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O my darling one, see the setting sun
Close its eye upon the day
Come down to the shore, I will row the oars
As we glide upon our way
A melancholy tune, is beaming from the moon
O tonight could bring such bliss
There always is a chance, for wooing and romance
On a summer night like this
Strum your mandolin, it is not a sin
To accept a tender kiss
There always is a chance for wooing and romance
On a summer night like this
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8. |
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‘Twas on a Sunday morning,
the sabbath prayers done
300 little children went to the Nickleodeon
They thought they’d enjoy the frolics
Of a movie matinee
They could not know they all would die
In the Palace Theater blaze
‘Twas 18-year-old Davey Hayes
Who first did sense the heat.
300 children screamed aloud
And jumped up to their feet
300 little children fell
And tumbled in the scrape
300 little children ran
To the only fire escape
Who is the man who lit the match
And watched the flames grow high?
Who is the man responsible
For the Palace Theater Fire?
(instrumental)
Who can tell the dreadful scene
At the movie theatre door?
Young ones fell, crushed underfoot
And trampled on the floor
They cry for dad and mother
But their little lungs are choked
And the movie flickers on the screen
Behind the rising smoke
‘Twas Constable Al Arpin
Who first came on the scene
He heard a voice he recognized
Amid the cries and screams
He ran into the theater dark
And found there at his feet
The body of his youngest child—
His daughter Emily
Who is the man who lit the match
And watched the flames grow high?
Who is the man responsible
For the Palace Theater Fire?
(instrumental)
Somewhere beyond this tragic scene
Is a man who sees the flames
That rise out from the theatre doors—
And no one knows his name
He watches as the firemen
Bring buckets filled with sand
And walks out through the gathering crowd
A matchbook in his hand
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9. |
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There’s a dandy book today where you write and send away
For anything that you’ll find at the cottage store
Be it a brand-new Meerschaum pipe
Or acetylene headlights
Or a readymade, gingham pinafore
In the Roebuck Catalogue, in the Roebuck Catalogue
Buy a dolly for baby and feed for the hog
In the Roebuck Catalogue
In the Roebuck Catalogue, in the Roebuck Catalogue
Buy some phonograph records, a choke for the dog
In the Roebuck Catalogue.
(instrumental)
If you need an atomizer, or a new meat tenderizer
Or a dress that is not sewn from flour sacks (laughter)
With the Neighbour Order Plan
You can stock up on good brands
And save yourself the freight & handling tax
In the Roebuck Catalogue, in the Roebuck Catalogue
Get a gold ear trumpet and feed for the hog
In the Roebuck Catalogue
In the Roebuck Catalogue, in the Roebuck Catalogue
Get your brand of plug tobacco, a choke for the dog
In the Roebuck Catalogue
(instrumental)
(Spoken, by Buschenberg):
Now the leg of Uncle Norm was blown off in the German War
We couldn’t find a peg that fit him right
So we put an order in
For an artificial limb
And now he’ll dance a jig most every night!
(Hurray!)
In the Roebuck Catalogue, in the Roebuck Catalogue
Get some desiccated coconut and feed for the hog
In the Roebuck Catalogue
In the Roebuck Catalogue, in the Roebuck Catalogue
Get a Supertone banjo, a choke for the dog
In the Roebuck Catalogue.
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10. |
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We was ballin’ the jack and we was having a time
I was walking the track with a friend of mine
When the 5:19 came a-rollin’ along
I was eatin’ a bun and singing my song
It went: “Ha, Oh I confess!
Meet me Saturday night
In a gingham dress
In a gingham dress”
[Get?] a weaning pig and shave off his brits
Get a real good fire going in your spit
Get some barbecue sauce and paint it on
You’ll have some sucklin’ meat before too long
I said, Ha, Lord I confess!
Meet me Saturday night
In a gingham dress
In a gingham dress
(instrumental)
(repeat chorus)
When the sun goes down and it’s a Saturday night
We go dancin’ by the coal-oil lights
We put the radio on, we [sweep?] off the porch
We’ll have a cakewalk down at Brockman’s store
I said, Ha, Lord I confess!
Meet me Saturday night (Yeah!)
In a gingham dress
In a gingham dress
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12. |
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Introductory comedic sketch. Spoken between Hezekiah and Jeremiah Procter.
(Imitation car noises, engines, etc.)
Hezekiah: “Hey there Jeremiah, what’s that comin’ into my yard, scarin’ off all of my hogs, then?”
Jeremiah: “Why I’m glad you asked, Hezekiah, this is my gasoline-burning automobile!”
Get out your Studebaker, Model T
Anywhere you wanna be
Get out on the road,
oh, the highway is your oyster
If you wanna buy a lean machine
Really burns the gasoline
Keep your engine nice & clean
Get yourself a Wolverine
Or better yet, a big old Lexington Roadster
If you got a little plan
Get yourself a Cole sedan
There’s alotta folks today
[That] really like a Chevrolet
But if it rolls, then it’s the car for me.
Get behind the wheel (Wheel wheel wheel…)
Of an automobile (beal, beal, beal…)
I’ve got a feel (feel, feel, feel?...)
For the automobile
Well, my old folks live sorta far
We take a ride in my motor car
What a deal! In the automobile
(instrumental)
Pack up your
Palomino pony rides
Get on up and climb inside
Put yourself in gear and
We will roll the top back (roll it on back!)
Wanna trade your Model A
For a shiny Ford coupé
Take ‘er for a drive today
Come and listen what I say
She’ll beat the lot at any county racetrack
You can drive a country mile
In the very latest style
There’s alotta folks today
That really like a Chevrolet
But if it rolls, then it’s the car for me
Get behind the wheel (Wheel wheel wheel…)
Of an automobile (beal, beal, beal…)
I’ve got a feel (feel, feel, feel...)
For the automobile
My old folks live sorta far
We take a ride in my motor car
What a deal! In the automobile
(Get back there, Mack!)
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13. |
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It was on a Sunday evening,
The clock was striking nine,
The crowd round the counter in Kendall’s barroom
Was low-down and feelin’ fine.
When in walked a handsome stranger—
He stood a good six feet pat—
He brushed the snow from the lapels of his swallow-tail coat
And he doffed his Derby hat.
And he sat by a yellow-haired lady,
He looks into the mirror and winks,
He says, “Someone in this bar might be killed tonight!”
Then he paid for a round of drinks.
He says, “My name? My name is Rudy Baron.
I used to ride the Queen & Crescent And that A&V line.
Last night, I wined the Governor’s wife in a first-class dining car
But tomorrow morning, that’s when I ride the blinds.”
He said he’d gambled in old Monte Carlo.
He’d spent most of his life on the lam,
Since the night he stuck his pearl-handled razoo
On a bailiff in Birmingham
So he ran rum down in Havana,
Says, “Those boys ain’t caught up with me yet!
Why, if I hadn’t cut that cop I’d never made the front page
Of the National Police Gazette.”
And he says, “It’s not my way to preach, boys.
But let me give you a bit of advice:
If you got a sweetheart, don’t leave her to the wolves
And take to the rambling life!”
He says, “My name? My name is Rudy Baron.
I’m the man who robbed the Southern Trust—
I never lost a bet.
But now there’s nothing in this world I own
But a dusty old suit of clothes
And now I come home to make good on a debt.”
He chewed on his plug o’ tobacky,
Says, “Boys, let me bid you farewell.”
And when he hit the brass spittoon on the barhouse floor,
It rang out like a mission bell.
Rudy walked slow to the doorway
when a single shot cracked through the air.
Then he fell to his knees and he uttered a curse
On the gal with the yellow hair.
In her hand was an Owl’s Head pistol—
She shivered and started to weep,
As the life from the body or Rudy Baron
Poured out onto Waterfront Street.
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There’s a day that is coming when Saint Michael spreads his wing(s)
And the angels sound their trumpets and the hallelujahs ring
On that resurrection morning, we’ll meet our savior there
When all God’s children meet Him in the middle of the air
O joy of joys, O joy of joys, O joy of joy of joys
O joy of joys, O joy of joys, O joy of joy of joys
And when we meet our savior we shall make a joyful noise
O joy of joys, O joy of joys, O joy of joy of joys
(instrumental)
There the rich man cannot enter with all his earthly store
Lest he trade all of his riches for the blessings of the poor
The men who own the factories will know it is too late
When they see the poor and injured pass inside the pearly gate
O joy of joys, O joy of joys, O joy of joy of joys
O joy of joys, O joy of joys, O joy of joy of joys
And when we meet our savior we shall make a joyful noise
O joy of joys, O joy of joys, O joy of joy of joys
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That which you do (do, do, do, do, doooo) to the least of these, my brothers
You do unto me (unto me)
That which you do (do, do, do, do, doooo) to the least of these, my brothers
You do unto me
On the road to Jericho (co, co, co, co, oooo), a certain man did travel
And fell among thieves (among thieves)
A stranger took him in (in, in, in, in, ooooo) and ministered unto him
He was passed by the Levite and the priest
That which you do (do, do, do, do, doooo) to the least of these, my brothers
You do unto me (unto me)
That which you do (do, do, do, do, oooo) to the least of these, my brothers
You do unto me
(instrumental)
In this hard and heavy world (world, world, world, world, world, ooooo)
Many are the fallen who lie at our feet (at our feet)
Ask of yourself (self, self, self, self, self, ooooo) who may be your neighbor
He may be lying in the street
That which you do (do, do, do, do, doooo) to the least of these, my brothers
You do unto me (unto me)
That which you do (do, do, do, do, oooo) to the least of these, my brothers
You do unto me
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And when those days are come to pass
The dead shall walk again
And tombs relieved of all their store
Shall echo in His name
(instrumental)
“I am not come to bring you peace,
But come to bring a sword”
So spoke our loving Jesus Christ,
Our meek and mild Lord
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"The Complete Recordings of Hezekiah Procter (1925 - 1930)" is an experimental recording project and novel by acclaimed Montreal songwriter Li'l Andy.
Each song was recorded simultaneously by two separate recording machines: a Webster-Chicago wire recorder, made in 1937, and a Tascam 38 half-inch tape machine.
The wire recorder renders the performances in the same fidelity that you might find on 78rpm records from the 1920s and 30s--the sound associated with early jazz, old-time, blues and country recordings.
The analog tape machine renders the performances with the greater clarity associated with modern studio production.
The album is a compilation box-set of the complete recordings of an entirely fictional singer from the 1920s: Hezekiah Procter — the kind of untrained, hell-raising and tempestuous personality that enlivened country music in its early days, like Jimmie Rodgers, Charlie Poole or Clayton McMichen.
The companion novel to this album, which chronicles the "life story" of Hezekiah Procter" is available from Blue Leaf Press and available in the merch section of this Bandcamp page.